Glee Moments that will Continue Living Rent Free in My Head for Eternity

A photo of the author, then fifteen, in competitive choir garb, taken by her bestie-for-the-restie.

This author is thankful for Ryan Murphy’s Glee (2009–2015). Beginning while the author was in middle school and ending while she was in college, Glee was wildly influential in her choice to move to New York City after graduation. Competitive choir was the author’s life in high school, and the other people in choir of utmost importance to her. She saw aspects of herself and her friends in the various characters of this show, and if she ever meets Ryan Murphy, will thank him for the tremendous gift he gave choir nerds around the world with this show.The show is still influential in her brain, as she and her then-bestie-now-husband (same choir) still cannot help but harmonize to every pop song they hear.

On the way to “Quad-State Festival” at age 15. These people are now married (to each other).

While musically groundbreaking and full of captivating storylines, Glee is also an extremely silly show, which is part of its appeal. It’s also wildly offensive sometimes. Here are some moments from Glee that randomly haunt this author out of the blue.

1. Let’s Have a KiKi/Turkey Lurkey in Rachel and Kurt’s impressively large apartment off the Montrose L. As someone who then lived in Tennessee (but would later live off the L Train) the author had never before heard of the L Train or the Scissor Sisters or Shangela until Kurt and Rachel’s Thanksgiving Party. Yes, the first time the author heard “Let’s Have a Kiki” was this episode, and it was sung by Sarah Jessica Parker. Why was this a mashup? The author has no idea. It is an extremely random combination, like when people put peanut butter on hamburgers. And everyone is thrilled that Rachel interrupts the KiKi to have her star moment…with “Turkey Lurkey”? Unclear why. Since then, this author has been to many strange soirees off the L Train, but still has never seen anything as strange as someone interrupting a party with “Turkey Lurkey”…yet.
2. Bust Your Windows as sung by Mercedes in anger when Kurt rejects her romantic advances. Obviously Amber Riley sings this song perfectly but why did they actually have Mercedes put a rock through Kurt’s windshield?! This author was shocked and horrified, and this violent overreaction sometimes will randomly start playing in her mind. Chaos!
3. Rachel’s performance of “Oops, I Did it Again!” for her mean theatre school teacher, played by Kate Hudson. This is what the author thought theatre school would be like. Turns out, this was a highly idealized and expensively budgeted depiction of theatre school. Nonetheless, the Britney episodes of Glee were always really good because Britney Spears is the best (bonus points for including Uncle Jesse from Full House as the dentist) even though they made fun of her which this author thought was mean. End conservatorship abuse! The author’s bestie-and-husband firmly believes “Toxic” is the Glee Cast’s best cover song of all time.
4. Kurt Hummell optioning an octave above the score on “Climb down the chimney!” in the Glee Cast Version of “We Need a Little Christmas”. This solitary line just abruptly plays at full volume in the author’s head sometimes. Also, Artie looks like Rachel is making him super uncomfortable in this video.
5. Rory Flanagan singing “Bein’ Green”. Just…so silly. Damian McGinty has a beautiful voice though.
6. Will’s proposal to Emma. Love the bathing caps but this author is not sure how romantic it is to be proposed to at your workplace… Also, Artie throws himself in the pool with his chair and everything?! The sacrifices he makes for his teacher’s weird water ballet proposal!
7. The storyline of legend Kristin Chenoweth as April Rhodes, a 35-year-old woman, returning to high school to relive her glory days as a high school choir diva. Specifically, this performance.
8. Mike Chang’s virtuosic audition for West Side Story. Harry Shum Jr. blesses us all.
9. Gwyneth Paltrow as Holly Holiday, the substitute teacher who tries way too hard to make the teens think she is cool, singing Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You”, but it is called “Forget You”. Artie and Mercedes have a cute little section of this song. Also, as a bonus, Rachel Berry says the iconic line, “At least I didn’t fall and break my talent.” Brad Ellis’ piano performances on Glee are always fantastic. And the kid with the goofy polo is incredible on the drums. Paltrow can sing, but even back then, this author thought the character of Holly Holiday was molto cringe. No teen likes a substitute who tries to be “in” with the kids. Holiday purrs to the class of music nerds, “I’m not your average, run of the mill substitute teacher!” She suggests they smoke weed and take a trip to Taco Bell together.
10. The entire episode “Sexy”. This features another appearance from Holly Holiday, again saying inappropriate things to the class of underage choir children.
11. And of course…the worst thing Glee ever did. The only thing that makes this even vaguely watchable is Kurt’s bizzarely delighted/genuinely touched(why, though?) facial expressions.

These are the moments from Glee that bounce around the author’s brain randomly. Have a good day.

Award winning competitive high school choir children! This pic is very blurry and quite possibly a photo-of-a-photo, but if you look closely the author is right smack in the middle of the group, looking like a stoned ghost.

❤